Everything In Between
by Ranowa Hikura
Summary: And here's your present- the epilogue and missing scenes to Endings and Beginnings! Request anything you like! Epilogue H/A, missing scenes may be anything. Spoilers for The Last Guardian.
1. Epilogue

And would you look at that! Here's your surprise- it's NOT over yet! This is the epilogue to my fic 'Endings and Beginnings'. (By the way, THREE HUNDRED reviews on that one? I absolutely LOVE you guys!) I will also post missing scenes from that fic in this story as well, scenes that just didn't make the cut for one reason or another. You may request scenes, but please don't request something like, "Artemis and Butler going at it after he comes back to life in reunion sex". This is missing scenes for my fanfiction, which means they should be within the established facts in my fic. I will also not take smut requests, because I can not write smut to save my life. On a related (or unrelated) note, the links to the full images for the covers for both this and Endings and Beginnings are on my profile, as the site cropped them and ruined them. Onto the epilogue. I'm not Irish or old enough to drink in my country. So I don't have the slightest idea what you drink in Ireland or how being drunk/drinking whiskey feels. I'll do my best, people. Enjoy!

Contrary to what seemed to be popular belief, Artemis wasn't stupid.

He also wasn't deaf.

He heard Butler's whispered phone conversations with Holly, when he spoke of Atlantis Complex and his worry of it returning. He also heard him begin to speak deliberately in phrases of four or five and saw him trying to judge his reaction.

And Artemis let him, because he truly didn't care. Let them mutter of Atlantis behind his back, thinking he had no idea. Let them whisper that this is it; he's finally lost his mind. Let them talk about labels such as depression and PTSD, because he didn't care anymore.

He had been above ground for a little over three weeks, and his thoughts had been dominated by the innocent pixie whose life he had taken. His shoulder constantly hurt, his broken collarbone still not healed, and it seemed the pain only got worse the more he thought of Dale. Artemis had responded by locking the door to this study, dropping an ice pack on his shoulder, and suffering in silence.

And, as the time went by, Artemis yearned more and more to find some way for, just one night, to forget. To stop thinking about Dale. To stop pondering the realities of him being the killer of an innocent pixie. To just _forget_.

Unbidden memories of his mother, just after his father had disappeared, came up, enticing and lovely. Before she'd lost her mind, his mother had first turned to alcohol. Every single time Artemis had spoken with her she'd been drunk out of her mind… he'd be lucky if she even recognized him. She hadn't seemed to remember her husband was missing and hadn't seemed to be in any of the pain she endured while sober.

At the time, Artemis hadn't understood the appeal of alcohol. He hadn't understood how wonderful the possibility of ignoring ones' problems was, he had just been furious with her for being of no help whatsoever.

But now…

That was what he wanted. _That_ was what he wanted. Not to deal with his problems, not to talk about them, not to do anything but forget about them.

And so, late one night, Artemis waited until he was certain no one else was awake, then left a note in his room and left the manor, a dark coat over his signature suit and a fake ID in his pocket. For once, he didn't want to be Artemis Fowl. He wanted to just be another nameless face, without a story to tell, without a worry to be concerned with.

He walked down the road to Dublin, not wanting to take the car and potentially wake someone up. It was only a mile, and even he was in good enough shape to make it. Overhead, clouds obscured the moon and there was a low boom of thunder. Rain. It seemed only fitting, he supposed. He would be the lonely drunk sitting in a bar, sheltered from the storm. Drowning his troubles in alcohol until morning.

By time he reached Dublin, it was raining, drops of water falling softly and slicking his hair down, causing him to shiver and hide his hands in his pockets. He headed for the first bar he saw and was relieved when he discovered to it be a more melancholy atmosphere than a club. Artemis wasn't in the mood to socialize tonight, and he doubted he would _ever_ be in the mood to go to a club.

He sat down at the end of the bar and pulled his wallet out of his pocket, already yearning to forget. That's all he wanted- just to forget. "Get me a shot of whiskey," he said coldly, even as the bartender looked at him oddly.

"You don't look eighteen."

"Well, I have a driver's license that says I am and enough money to pay you to keep me drunk until dawn. Good enough?" Artemis snapped, flashing his fake ID as he did so. The date of birth on there was, in fact, correct- he didn't see the point in mentioning he had skipped three and half years of his life entirely and wasn't even sixteen.

Seeming convinced- or too glad to have discovered a seemingly young rich kid eager to get drunk- the bartender nodded. "Good enough for me."

And Artemis grinned and prepared to forget, too eager to finally, just for one night, not have to suffer in the hold of the guilt. The bartender brought him the whiskey and said, "That'll be five euros."

"Start me a bloody tab… I'm going to be here a while."

Artemis saw the bartender grin and nod happily before turning away. Artemis ignored him entirely and, with a practiced motion as if he had been doing it for years, took the tumbler of whiskey and downed it in one gulp.

He coughed, spitting half of it up onto the table, the rest of it burning as it slid down his throat. He coughed again and wiped his lip with his sleeve, swearing. _What the bloody hell is the appeal of that? I came to forget my troubles, not pour liquid fire down my throat!_

The bartender snickered, still watching him. "Let me guess. This is your first time?"

Artemis groaned. "What gave it away?"

"Here. Try something that's not as strong. You'll acquire your taste for my _expensive_ whiskey soon enough."

Artemis glared at him before accepting the drink he handed to him and, this time not trying to swallow the whole thing at once. He smiled slightly. _This_ was more like it.

* * *

It would be an hour before anyone realized he was missing, and another two after that before he was finally tracked down. Artemis didn't look up when the door to the bar opened to reveal a tiny, rain-soaked figure. He continued to stare into his glass, unmoving except for when he took another drink. The woman sighed at the sight and walked slowly forward, waiting for him to hear her approach, but he seemed to be entirely absorbed in his drink. She finally sat beside him and tapped him on the shoulder.

Artemis looked over at her, his eyes wide and unfocused, then gave a sour grin as he raised his drink up to her. "Holly, he greeted, his voice slurred. "You… you know what I… I like about you? How you always just appear whenever I ne- need you to. Like… magic." He giggled quietly before returning to his drink. "That's funny. See, cause you _have_ magic. And I… haha."

"Hilarious, Artemis. And keep your voice down, will you?" she hissed, looking around to make sure no one had heard.

Artemis, of course, laughed loudly, waving his arm around and announcing, "Oh, of course- you're a fairy. People can't know that. Yeah, everybody, she's _not_ a fairy! I repeat, _not_ a fairy!"

Holly looked around in alarm, but most people barely even spared the boy a single glance. Those few who kept on watching him suspiciously were easily dispelled by her comment of, "This is his first time drinking…" They all nodded knowingly and returned to their drinks, leaving her to tend to Artemis.

"H-Holly. There's... There's something I've b-been wanting to say to you for a l-long... time."

"Yeah?"

Artemis laughed quietly, then raised his head to stare at her blearily. "If I... If I were a derivative, I would lie tangent to your curves."

Holly stared blankly at him for several seconds, waiting for him to clarify. Finally, she said, "Artemis, it's been over sixty years since I took calculus, you're going to have to explain."

Instead of doing so, he laughed gleefully before continuing with, "If I were a second derivative, I would be investigating your concavities now."

Holly narrowed her eyes while her human friend giggled again and indulged himself once more in his drink. "Artemis, I don't know what that means, either, but I can draw enough from it that I think you've had enough to drink."

"No... No, I've had just the right... right amount. Cause I'm happy, see. And I'm not happy much anymore."

"Artemis… what are you doing? Come on, this isn't you… you don't drink."

He shrugged listlessly, staring down into the amber liquid in the tumbler in his hands. "Mother did, when Father disappeared. Thought I'd see what all the fuss is about."

Holly sighed, unimpressed. "Really. So, how do you like it?" she asked, not sure if she would like his answer.

"It's fantaaaaaastic. I don't even remember why I was upset… his name, anyway. I know it rhymes with Dale. But I can't remember why I was upset about him, you know? I _almost_ can, but then I can't. Kind of like deja'vu. _C'est une expression française: ce qui n'est pas nouveau, ce qui est banal, sans originalité : Ce n'est que du déjà-vu_."

"You're mixing your languages, Artemis, and I don't find French any more romantic than calculus." Holly waved the bartender over and asked him for a glass of water. When he handed it to her, she, promptly and without hesitation, threw it back on Artemis's face.

Artemis sputtered, stunned, and shook his head sharply before pushing his sopping wet black locks out of his eyes and turning to glare at her. "What… why… what was _that_ for?!"

"You're drunk out of your mind. I'd have thought you'd at least prefer to appear lucid,_ monsieur_, though perhaps I was wrong."

"No… no. Thank you." Artemis shook his head gain and made an attempt to stand, slapping a couple dozen euros onto the bar as he did so. "Need to get you out of here. I'll… I'll drive you to T-Tara."

"You're driving me nowhere. Come on, Artemis. You're coming with me." Holly pulled him up to his feet and led him to the door, doing her best to keep him from swaying. "You got Butler worried sick, you know that?"

Artemis shook his head blearily as he stepped out into the rain, the water and wind lifting his stupor a little more. "I… wasn't intending to… I just-"

"When he found your note, he wanted to go down into Dublin and find you himself. I barely managed to talk him out of it. What in Frond's name were you thinking?"

Artemis shook his head slowly, clearly still visibly shaken. "I… I wasn't. Thinking, I mean. Just Dale… and his family…"

Holly let out a small sigh. Every day, the same problem. A tiny part of her wanted to just ask him to talk about something else- just let it go.

But then she imagined herself in his position. Responsible for the death of an innocent.

"Artemis, his wife said she didn't blame you-"

"Oh, but she was lying. I know what it's like to lose a father… there were times I thought he was dead. I always just… _hated_ the Russians responsible and swore to kill them with my own bare hands."

"It's not your fault! If you hadn't killed him, you would be dead!" When he made no reply, Holly turned him to face her and snapped, "Or, if your own life means so little to you, what about me? You know if you hadn't killed him, you would have been forced to kill me."

Artemis shook so violently his hand was ripped out of hers. He glared at her, blue eyes pools of anger and depression, and snapped harshly, "_Don't_ say that. _Don't_ say that, Holly."

"Why not? It's true."

He shook his head and turned away from her, seeming absolutely furious. "Because you're not dead. God, Holly… why are you even here, anyway? Shouldn't you be underground? Full moon isn't for another week."

"I didn't come up here to do the Ritual. I came up here to talk to you. I was already on my way when Butler called me and told me where you had gone."

"Why were you coming to talk to me? I already told you, I'm taking a break from consulting on your cases. And you could always just call-"

"Damn it, Artemis! Not everything is about _work!_ I came up here to talk to you as a _friend!_"

Artemis sighed heavily and turned to glare at her. "You know, Holly, I'm not an idiot. I heard you and Butler talking three days ago about your usual topic, of my Atlantis Complex relapsing. And let me tell you something; even if it was relapsing, which it's not, one thing that wouldn't help is hearing people talking about it behind my back and not doing much else. I see Butler trying to set me off by speaking in phrases of four or five to try and make an amateur diagnosis, but that's not bloody _helpful!_ I need you to stop treating me like I'm made of glass and go back to normal! I killed someone, Holly, I didn't turn into a porcelain doll!"

"Well, you know, you're not helping matters by locking doors and not speaking to anyone for days at a time. It's clear _something's_ wrong, but you don't talk to anyone anymore; you ignore my calls and barely speak with Butler or your parents. Got an excuse for that?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. My shoulder hurts and I'm quite often not in the mood to talk."

"Oh, shut up, Artemis. I doubt a collapsed lung would stop you from talking if you wanted to. You and I both know you just go into your study to brood and think about your guilt and blame yourself without anyone to contradict you. If it was really _your shoulder hurting_ I'm sure you would be in that lab of yours synthesizing pain medication or whatever it is you humans do, but you wouldn't be turning into this introverted, depressed kid who spends all his time locked in his room and won't speak with anyone."

"Well, can you blame me, Holly? All I want to do is _forget_ what happened, but all _you_ people want seem to want to do is _remind_ me of it!"

"Artemis, you can't just _forget_ about it. When I first had to kill someone, it took me weeks to get over it. I-"

"Oh, and let me guess, you shot at a goblin who was threatening to set you on fire? A pixie who had a gun to someone's head? Face it, Holly, I'm a bloody basket case. I killed an innocent. Someone who'd just been mesmerized and probably wouldn't have meant us any harm in his right mind. Someone with a family, someone who-"

"Artemis, we've been through this same discussion again and again. You _didn't have a choice_. If you hadn't killed him, we would both be dead. Is that what you want? Would you rather we be dead and _him_ be alive? Because that's the only other option here! One way or the other, Artemis, which is it?!"

"I'm not saying that I wish you were dead! I'm saying I wish I had done things differently!"

"But don't you get it, Artemis?!" Holly yelled, getting frustrated now. "There _was_ no other way!"

Artemis just shook his head, angry and miserable, and turned away from her, beginning to walk off in the rain down the street. "You're wasting your breath, Holly!" he shouted over his shoulder. "Just go home and _leave me alone!_"

Holly glared after the retreating figure, furious. "Fine! Fine, I'll leave! You just answer me one question, Artemis."

The human hesitated, then whirled back around to face, his eyes so dark they were almost black, his shaking hands clenched into fists. "_What_, Holly?!"

"Why won't you accept our help? _Why_ do just yell at us and ignore us? That doesn't make you stronger, Artemis, it just makes you a coward!"

Artemis's glare darkened, and he shook his head, absolutely furious. He took a quick step forward, almost as if he wanted to lunge at her and hit her, then shook his head again and moved back. "Your _question_ has two answers. The first- I don't _need_ your help. The second- you give me one good reason, after what I did, that I'm even worth your while _to_ help!"

Holly stared after him as he turned his back to her and headed off into the rain again, his head down, his pace quicker than before. She remained rooted to the spot for several moments before steadfastly walking after him and yelling his name again. This time, Artemis didn't turn around, stop, or even acknowledge her. When she moved to stand behind him and touched his shoulder, he shook her off and started to walk even faster.

"_Hey!_" she yelled. This time, she grabbed his shoulder of the arm that was still encased in a sling. He cried out and doubled over in pain, immediately stopping his hasty retreat as Holly swung around to face him and released his shoulder.

Breathing hard and grasping his probably burning shoulder, Artemis slowly straightened up to stare at her incredulously with more than a hint of fury in his eyes. "What was _that_ for?!"

Ignoring the question, she snapped, "You think you're not worth our while to help? Is that it? After you were forced to kill Dale, you think that you don't _deserve_ our help? That's why you're not listening to us?"

Artemis sighed, still holding his shoulder, and didn't answer her. The emotion drained from his face, to be replaced by a cold, hard stare. "Holly, get out of my way."

"Artemis, you're an idiot. A D'Arviting idiot. You-"

"Holly, get out of my way."

"-are _so stupid_, for a genius, I could just hit you. You-"

"Get out of my way."

"-don't get it, do you? You want me to prove that you're worth it-"

"_Get out of my way_."

"-is that what you want? Because I can. Artemis, I-"

"_Holly, get_-"

Artemis was interrupted by Holly grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and yanking him down to her level, meeting his mouth with hers. His words were swallowed by her and he gasped into her mouth in surprise. One of her hands dropped to her side while the other found its way to his cheek. Artemis, too stunned to move, stood rooted to the spot, Holly's lips soft against his own before she finally pulled slowly back, her mismatched eyes gazing steadily into his own.

"Because I love you. _That's_ why you're worth it. Because I love you."

Artemis couldn't have looked more shocked if she'd hit him. Holly stepped back and he didn't move an inch, still leaning down to her height, his eyes still wide in surprise. He opened and closed his mouth several times, as if he wanted to speak but couldn't think of the words.

"But if you don't think you're worth my while, then I suppose I should just go, right? Because that's clearly what you want and believe. And I don't love the you who goes out and gets drunk in the middle of the night instead of dealing with his problems and asking for help, Artemis. You need to get your priorities straight and remember who your friends are."

Holly turned on her heel and walked away from him into the rain, intending to leave him alone to sort this out for himself. Because she knew he didn't know it, but he _had_ hurt her by refusing to answer her calls or speak with her for almost three weeks. By wallowing in the dark and nursing his injuries in private, she didn't think Artemis had realized how much he'd hurt his friends. How much he'd hurt _her_.

"Holly!" he finally called out, his voice hoarse but strong nonetheless. "Holly, wait."

She sighed. She couldn't walk away from him now… he deserved more than that. So, as she turned around, she said, "Artemis, what-"

And, this time, it was _she_ who was interrupted by lips meetings hers, and _he_ who swallowed the rest of her sentence. She made a vague sound of surprise as Artemis's hand fell onto her shoulder, the other slowly, almost hesitantly, coming to gently rest on her side. He kissed her softly for a few moments before slowly moving back to gaze at her as she had, black hair slicked across his forehead from the rain, his blue eyes still wide in surprise.

When he didn't speak, Holly did. "So… are you returning the sentiment?"

Artemis still didn't speak. He just smiled.

Holly laughed. "I take that as a yes."

His smile twisted into a smirk, and Holly pushed him back, still laughing. "Good gods, Artemis. You could say it back, you know. Your signature smirk doesn't constitute a reply."

Artemis sighed, his smile fading away into a small frown. "I know, Holly, I know… you're right. And... not just about that. I know that staying in my study and ignoring your calls aren't helping matters. It's just…. Dale." Artemis looked away from her and sighed again. "And his family. God, Holly… I can't stop thinking about them. And-"

"Hey," she interrupted. "Artemis, what happened to that family is awful. But it's Opal's fault, not yours. She may as well have pulled the trigger herself. You had no choice in the matter. And I know my saying that doesn't fix everything- or anything. But… remember when you were in Atlantis Hospital? You didn't believe going to Argon's clinic would fix anything. But I can say four four four four now and it doesn't bother you in the slightest. "

"I can see where you're going with this."

"Yeah. I know it doesn't seem like it now… but it's really not your fault. And you'll understand that some day. …You know, Artemis… you still haven't said it back."

He smiled slightly and glanced down at her. "Yes, I know, Holly. I… ah… care deeply for you. With feelings that go beyond friendship."

"Oh my gods, you're evil."

"What?"

"Artemis!"

"All right, all right," he chuckled awkwardly. "I… love you."

Holly grinned. "See? That wasn't so hard to say, was it?" She slapped him on the shoulder, then winced when he gasped, pain flashing across his face as he stumbled and his hand moved up to hold the injury again. "Oh, gods, I'm sorry, I forgot entir-"

"Kiss me and make it better."

"What?"

Artemis grinned cockily. "Kiss me and make it better."

Holly slapped him on the shoulder again, this time purposefully hitting his broken collarbone. "You're insufferable, you know that?"

"Even a genius has to have some unfortunate qualities. I do hope you love my insufferable self, because I'm not changing for you."

Holly shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Add arrogant to the list. Actually, you know what? You being insufferable could actually be nice. You could convince the wedding planner to give us a deal just by never shutting up."

All the blood drained from Artemis's face in an instant, and he coughed, his eyes opening wide as he took a step back. "Uh, Holly," he stammered awkwardly, "I- I didn't mean that we- I don't think- we shouldn't-"

Holly doubled over laughing, snickering loudly into her hand. "You should have seen the look on your face!" she exclaimed, much to Artemis's annoyance. "Relax, Artemis. I was just kidding. You know, for a genius, I didn't realize you're so gullible."

"I am not," he grumbled.

Holly chuckled. "It's fine. I still love your insufferable, arrogant, very gullible self."

"Holly!"

"Yes, Mr. Very Gullible?"

Artemis rolled his eyes. "Oh, you have your faults too. And, if you don't watch out, I'll exploit them."

"No, no, I don't," she said cheerfully. "I have no flaws. I'm perfect."

"Oh, really, Ms. Crew Cut?"

"Wha- how is my _hair cut_ a flaw?!"

Artemis shrugged. "Oh, I don't know. I seem to recall Caballine making a comment about it or too. And, since I don't know the slightest thing about fashion, I'll have to take her word for it."

Holly touched her hair uncertainly before just smirking up at him and saying, "Don't open the fashion door, Artemis. Not until you wear a color other than black and something other than a suit."

Artemis shrugged confidently, running a hand through his wet hair. "My mother has tried to talk me into jeans and a T-shirt enough. My suits have always been practical."

"Yeah, that and boring," Holly muttered under her breath, just loud enough for him to hear.

Artemis just shrugged again. "Well, I suppose boring is just going to be one of my faults. But I've found that, when you're a genius, everybody assumes that everything you say is going to be a boring lecture, and I still have friends. So I think I'll accept the fact that I'm boring."

Holly just smiled.


	2. Chapter 11 Missing Scene

Thank you all for reviewing! Yeah, that was me making up for being a H/A romance tease for most all of Endings and Beginnings. I know you guys wanted romance :) Answer to a FAQ: There have been multiple requests for me to continue the epilogue, so I'll work on it. It won't be a full-blown sequel, but I'll try for a few oneshots. Still open for requests. Well, here are two missing scenes from chapter 11, the chapter after Holly's nightmare of Artemis not coming back to life and blaming her. I couldn't find a place for the first scene, and when I decided to put it in as an extra, I ended up writing the second scene as well. Spoilers for Last Guardian and Lost Colony.

"Butler?"

The huge bodyguard flinched at the sound of her voice, looking up to see her standing in the doorway. "Holly, what are you doing here?"

She forced herself to smile as she walked inside the dojo. Butler looked even worse than when she had last seen him- if she could only just tell him about the clone…

"Butler, I'm here to ask you a question."

Groaning, he waved her away and shook his head. "If you're here to convince me that Artemis is really dead, then just go home, Holly. I'm not going to sit here and listen to you-"

"No! No, Butler… that's not it at all." Holly leaned back against the wall- she would have preferred to sit, but then it would have been almost impossible to look the huge man in the eye. "I actually do have a question for you."

Butler paused, looking at her with a deadened curiosity in his eyes. "Ask me anything, Captain."

She paused, trying to think of the correct way to phrase this. No matter what his answer was, she wouldn't be able to explain why she had the question in the first place. What would she be able to tell him? _Well, Butler, I had a dream about Artemis's ghost blaming me for everything and saying that he'll never come back to life because of me and I just wanted to know if some of the things he said were true. _She shook her head even thinking it.

Finally, she asked, trying to keep her voice light and nonchalant, "Butler, do you remember when Artemis and I got back from Hybras?"

He narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "Of course. What about it?"

"His middle finger and index finger switched places. Did he have to use magic to stop them from hurting?"

Butler looked surprised, but nodded anyway. "Yes, actually. He wasn't having a problem until he shook hands with his father. Then he just about passed out. Later, when we were alone, he explained what had happened and told me to break his fingers so he could fix it with magic."

Holly shook her head, crossing her arms and thinking back to the short time she had spent with Artemis before going underground to see what she had missed in three years. Nothing had seemed wrong with his hand and he hadn't seemed to be in any pain whatsoever- she hadn't even thought about his hand at all. "Gods, Butler," she said softly. "All you had to do was call me. I would have come back up here right away."

"That's what I told him," Butler said with an angry shrug. "He refused to call you. He could hardly move his hand and I didn't know how to get in contact with you myself, so I agreed and broke the two fingers."

Holly winced in sympathy. "D'Arvit. You should have called me. The fact that he even managed to heal it himself is amazing, considering his lack of experience with magic. It normally takes fairy children several years to learn how to heal something as complex as a hand injury. There are so many small bones that have to fit together so precisely it can be quite a challenge."

"I guessed as much. It took him three tries to get it right."

"What?!"

Butler nodded grimly. "He healed his hand once- it didn't even look right. He told me to break it again- I did, he tried to heal it, then said it wasn't good. He told me I had to break it again. I refused and said I was going to find a way to get in contact with you, or at least call a doctor and have him fix his hand, but Artemis wouldn't let me. I agreed to break his hand one more time, and, that time, he got it right- then slept for over ten hours afterward. It seems using even a few sparks of magic is exhausting to any human, even him."

"Gods, Butler! You shouldn't have let him do that!" Holly slumped back against the wall and shook her head angrily. "Why didn't you just call me? I could've healed it in ten seconds!"

"I know. I didn't want to break his hand, but he's been through a lot worse than that and lived. Beckett even broke a finger in Artemis's lab once; it's not like the injury is life-threatening- but it's against my principles to hurt my charge. He wouldn't let me call you, though. When I asked him why afterwards, he said that you had three years to catch up on, and that was his fault. He wasn't about to pull you away from your life again. I asked what he meant when he said it was his fault, but he didn't answer. You know what he was talking about?"

Holly closed her eyes, allowing herself to slide into a sitting position. Propping her head up in her hands, she leaned forward and puzzled over his question for a moment before coming to the answer. "I think I do. In the time tunnel, it was my responsibility to land us in the right place. It was his responsibility to land us in the right time. Three years is closer than we would have gotten if I had been in his shoes; I never blamed him for missing out on three years. It never even crossed my mind."

Butler sighed. "That's Artemis. He took responsibility for the entire plan and always thought he could do better." Then he frowned, looking at Holly curiously. "Captain, why are you asking me all of this now? What does it have to do with anything?"

The truth stuck in Holly's throat, and she almost opened her mouth and confessed everything. She almost admitted that there was a little Artemis clone underground. She almost told him that, in a month, they would be trying to bring Artemis back to life. She almost told him that everything he had gone through these past five months could have never happened if she had just told him the truth.

_Almost._

Holly forced herself to shake her head and shrug. "I don't know. I was just thinking about Artemis earlier today…"

Butler locked eyes with her, his gaze steady. "He's alive, Holly. I know he is."

Holly's reply didn't even sound real to herself when she denied it. "No, he's not. Butler, you saw him, he was dead-"

"I don't care what you say, Captain. He's not dead. We've both seen him overcome a lot more than a simple spell. He's _not_ dead."

Holly tried to be comforting, but she couldn't, not when she still believed Artemis was alive herself. "Butler, I know that you feel like what happened is your fault because you were supposed to protect him. But Artemis outsmarted us. It's not your fault." _Because it's my fault. It was my eye and my negligence that allowed this to happen._

Butler just shook his head, his gaze stubborn. "That's not why I know he's alive. Whether or not it's my fault is out of the question; I know Artemis is alive because he knew about the spell beforehand and he's survived much worse than that. He knew that that spell would target him because of his fairy eye and would never have gone in there if he didn't have a plan to keep himself alive."

"Butler, you saw how he tried to get to us. He suspected that his fairy eye would stop his escape but his _only_ back up plan was hoping that it wouldn't. He hoped that his human genes could overcome that but they couldn't. You _saw_ him reach out and try to get to us. That was the only plan." Holly pleaded with him, trying to get him to accept the lies she was feeding him, but he just shook his head.

"I can hear it in your voice that even _you_ don't believe it, Holly."

Holly sighed. She walked forward and patted him on the shoulder, deciding that no good would come of her trying to convince him of something that was untrue. "Butler, I _do_ believe it, because it's the truth." There wasn't even a hint of conviction in her voice, and Butler didn't appear to believe a word she said. Nevertheless, Holly turned and walked out of the dojo. She didn't look back.

* * *

When he shook hands his father. That's when it happened.

His eyebrow rose and his head cocked to the side, mismatched eyes widening for a short second in what Butler recognized as pain. The blood drained from his face and Butler could've sworn he was going to pass out before he nodded curtly, bracing himself against the wall, and said, his voice colored with a hint of magic, "What do you tell people when they ask about me?"

Butler could tell his voice was shaking but decided to attribute it to the magic, though it certainly sounded nothing like Holly's voice when she used the _mesmer_. His parents were quite dazed and Butler was hesitant to break the spell that was clearly taking a lot of Artemis's energy.

It was his mother who answered his question. "That you were in a plane crash and a coma for three years."

"And if they ask for details?"

"It's a private family matter," his father said dully. "Please don't pry."

Artemis relaxed, if only slightly, and nodded satisfactorily. "Good. Very good. Stay here for a moment. Butler, if I may speak with you in private? There is something we need to discuss."

Frowning, Butler followed Artemis out, leaving his parents alone, intending to ask what was wrong. Before he could, however, Artemis gritted his teeth and stumbled against the wall the moment Butler closed the door. "Artemis! What happened?!"

"Please, _please_ break my fingers," he said in a shuddering gasp, turning around and raising one pale hand. "They switched. They switched in the time tunnel and my father pushed them out of alignment. _Please_ break them so I can heal them."

"What?! No! Artemis, are you insane?!" Butler instantly pulled out his fairy ring given to him by Foaly so he could call to receive an update whenever he wanted to and said, "I'm calling Holly. I'm not breaking your fingers. She can heal you herself-"

Artemis shook his head, beginning to pant slightly from the pain. "No. She has three years to catch up on. Do not disturb her. There is no need to, especially when I can heal it- _god!_- myself. Just break them for me, Butler."

Butler hesitated, still uncertain, but it was quickly becoming clear his charge was in a lot of pain and it would take at least an hour for Holly to get back to the surface, if not more. If Artemis was able to successfully heal himself, it would be over and done with and less than a minute. So, without warning, he reached out and grabbed Artemis's hand, easily pulling the two fingers right out of the socket. Artemis gasped and braced himself against the table with his good hand, his face now white as a sheet. Butler winced, already regretting his actions when blue sparks materialized on the tips of Artemis's fingers, and he stared in amazement as the boy closed his eyes and the sparks migrated to the injury.

"Heal," he murmured, in Gnomish, his voice wrought with pain. "Heal!"

Butler gasped as the sparks sunk into his shaking hand and he could actually see the bones shift- his amazement, however, ended rather abruptly when the bone rolled to the left, creating a rather nauseating image masquerading as a hand, and Artemis actually fell back from the pain, seemingly light headed. Butler caught him easily and looked down at him in alarm as Artemis gasped and swore in a breath, steadying himself and raising his hand desperately once more. "Break them again," he commanded, his voice now shaking. "Break them again, Butler!"

The sickening appearance of his hand was more than enough to convince him. Butler yanked on his fingers again and there was an audible _pop_, and Artemis actually choked as the sparks glowed on his hand again, moving slower than before. Breathing heavily, Artemis closed his eyes, murmuring quick streams of facts and calculations under his breath as he tried to heal his hand again.

Butler watched intently as the broken bones slid into place, but Artemis did not regain his usual color and the pain did not disappear from his eyes. Shaking his head sharply, the boy raised his still trembling hand and ordered, "Again."

"No." Butler yanked out his fairy ring again and shook his head. "I'm not breaking your fingers _three times_ just so you can play trial and error with this. Let me-"

"Stop!" Artemis pushed his hands down, shaking his head violently. "No, no. It's my fault that Holly has three years to catch up on. I will _not_ call her back up above ground for something as... as t-trivial as t-this." Artemis brushed the sweat off his forehead as his voice shook and he raised his injured hand up again.  
"B-Break them a-again! _Now!_"

Artemis was sweating and gasping and shaking and Butler could quickly tell he didn't have a choice. It would take too long for Holly to get up here; this had to be dealt with right away.

And so, wincing in sympathy, Butler broke his fingers once more and watched worriedly as the blue sparks fluttered around his hand, shimmering in and out of existence as Artemis drew them to the injuries. "Heal," he whispered. "_Heal_."

This time, when the bones slid back into place, it elicited a heavy sigh of relief from the boy. Artemis stumbled backwards, letting his head fall back and closing his eyes. He looked like he was about to pass out from exhaustion, but at least he was no longer fighting back a scream of pain. "Thank you," he murmured hoarsely. He took a few seconds to regain his strength before opening his now tired eyes again and waving his hand like a conductor. "Voila. Good as new."

Butler shook his head, still slightly annoyed. "Artemis, you should have let me call Holly. She's healed much worse injuries than that in one go."

"And, as I said, she has three years to catch up on. It would take a few hours, at least, for her to get up here, and all for a minor hand injury? No. I don't think so. Especially when I'm the cause of her time gap. I'll not be the reason she has to miss even more of her life."

"Artemis-"

"Enough, Butler. My parents are currently standing out there dazed out of their minds, and using magic is more tiring than I once thought. I would like to conclude this affair so I can rest, if you don't mind."

Butler tried to ask him again what he meant when he said it was his fault, but it was too late. Artemis had already entered the other room, his eyes glowing blue, his voice trembling with power. It was an odd sight, to see his charge using magic. When he looked into his eyes, Butler himself almost forgot his question.

He had no idea the topic wouldn't be mentioned again until a year later, after Artemis had been killed.


	3. Chapter 15 Missing Scene

Thank you all for reviewing! Here is a oneshot describing the day when Artemis lost his hearing due to a laboratory accident, mentioned in Chapter 15. Takes place sometime between Time Paradox and Atlantis Complex. Partly inspired by the high school chem class I practically helped teach, where my fellow students asked, "Ranowa, is it safe to drink the acid?" ... But hey, look at that! My college chem class, being put to use to write this! Ah, how depressing. All that studying, going to no use but fanfiction. Ah well. At least you guys like it, right? ...Right? :(

There was a reason Artemis Fowl did not like to babysit the twins.

And that reason was that he was unable to work in his laboratory whenever he was charged with the unfortunate responsibility.

"Simple-toon! Simple-toon, look at me!" There was a slight thump on his back, the now telltale sign of him being hit by a thrown test tube.

Well, perhaps there was more than one reason.

Sighing regretfully, Artemis gingerly set his test tube back in the freezer and glanced over his shoulder to see Beckett playing with his ants- his genetically mutated ants that he had spent the last three months working on- and getting dangerously close to killing more than one of them under his feet. "Beckett, please be careful. Those ants are very…" Artemis trailed off when Beckett squashed one between his fingers before raising it up to eat. "Ah, never mind." _Three months, wasted._

Shaking his head, Artemis turned back to his experiment and carefully lifted it out of the freezer, biting his lip as he struggled to make his way back to his lab table without stepping on his ants or his brother. "Juliet" he called helplessly, balancing the test tubes in one hand and a beaker in the other. "Juliet, can you please get in here?"

"I'm busy!"

"Yes, well, so am I!" he shouted back. "I could also use your help!"

"I'm training! I have a wrestling match tonight, Artemis!"

Artemis rolled his eyes. _As if whatever half-dressed, tattooed, headed-for-prison girl they put her against will actually be a threat to a Blue Diamond_. Sighing in aggravation, he glanced over his shoulder again before realizing that Myles was nowhere in sight. He shook his head and called, "Myles! Will you please stop hiding?"

This time, it was Butler who replied back. "He's currently hiding with your laptop, sir. He's in one of the security camera's blind spots."

Artemis swore under his breath and turned back to his experiment. "Well, it looks like it's just you and me, Beckett. You're the good one."

"I know!" Beckett exclaimed proudly. "I'm more smart than Myles!"

"Well, perhaps I wouldn't take it that far," Artemis muttered before glancing at his brother again. He was gleefully absorbed in his ants, so Artemis felt that he could at least divert some of his attention to his experiment. He'd been working in anticipation for today for almost two weeks and didn't want to have to wait until tomorrow.

"Ow!"

"Be careful, Beckett," Artemis murmured without turning around. "The ants bite."

"Water shouldn't hurt!" Beckett exclaimed. "You have funny water, Artemis."

Artemis frowned, still not turning away. "Unless you are referring to the water pressure, which I will admit, I have altered for my laboratory, then- wait, hurt?" He turned around to see Beckett unscrewing the top off a small vial of clear liquid. Artemis's eyes widened and he gasped, "Beckett, stop! That's not water!"

Beckett laughed and grinned. "Silly Artemis. It looks like water!" So saying, he raised the vial, preparing to drink from it.

"Beckett, no!" Artemis shouted, dropping what was in his hands and rushing over to knock the vial out of his hands. "Stop it! God, what is wrong with you?!" When his brother reached over to mess he had made, Artemis pushed him back, invariably touching the solution of acid to stop his brother from doing so. He gritted his teeth and gasped, "D'Arvit!", barely managing to stop himself from using an English swear word for the sake of his impressionable brother.

Grasping his now burning finger tightly, Artemis grabbed Beckett's hand and pulled him across the lab away from the mess. "Beckett, there is a reason I told you to _never_ touch _anything_ in my lab. Where did you even get that, anyway?!"

Beckett winced, looking up at him with wide, sad eyes that made even Artemis feel slightly apologetic. "I saw it on the table and was thirsty. It looked like water…"

Sighing, Artemis sprinkled the sodium hydroxide over the hydrochloric acid spill and smiled at Beckett. "Sorry, Beckett. It's just that that wasn't water; it was a very dangerous acid. It could kill you if you drank it. It was my oversight, anyway; I shouldn't have left it sitting out there for you to grab."

"So you're not mad?"

Artemis sighed. His finger was burning, there was a neutralization reaction currently taking place on his _floor_, and part of his ant experiment was being digested. Was he mad?

Beckett gazed sadly up at him, his blue eyes wide and uncertain, sticking out his lower lip. Artemis sighed again.

"No. No, I'm not mad," he said truthfully. "But if you don't go find your brother, I will be."

Jumping at the chance to please his eccentric older brother, Beckett turned and ran out of the lab, shouting for Myles. Sighing in relief, Artemis turned back to his lab table, intended to run his finger under some ice water-

And that was when he remembered his earlier experiment.

Artemis whirled around to see the abounded test tube balanced on the edge of his lab table, on the very precarious urge of falling off onto the floor. And it was rolling the wrong direction.

Taking a moment to reflect his options, Artemis quickly decided that there was nothing he could do but shield his face and cower. Unfortunately, no matter how quick his mental reflexes were, his physical ones were still lacking, and when the test tube hit the floor and exploded, he was still standing and watching like a dumb target.

* * *

Artemis came to to the feeling of someone shaking him by the shoulders. It was oddly silent; he could hear nothing whatsoever but a faint buzzing. He groaned, then froze when he realized he hadn't heard a thing. He quickly opened his eyes to see Butler leaning over him, his mouth forming words- words that he couldn't hear.

Shaking his head frantically, Artemis pushed Butler's hands off his shoulders and made to sit up, trying to speak. Not being able to hear himself talk made him stop and stutter before he could even get a word out, and he looked up at Butler, trying his best not to appear panicked. He shook his head and tapped his ear for several moments before regaining enough control of himself to use sign language instead.

_I can't hear you_, he signed, and Butler's eyes widened in shock. He opened his mouth to speak before thinking better of it and using sign language himself.

_You can't hear anything?_

Artemis shook his head and stood groggily, grasping the wall for support as he swayed, unsteady on his feet. He looked around his laboratory in confusion before he caught sight of a black smudge on the floor- it almost looked like something had exploded.

"Oh my god," he said out loud, by reflex, though he still couldn't hear himself talk. _Now_ he understood. In his hurry to stop Beckett from poisoning himself with acid, he had left the test tube filled with acetone sitting on the edge of his table. The substance exploded if the wind blew; it was on wonder it had reacted to colliding with the floor. And the explosion would have been quite a loud one; no wonder it caused him to lose his hearing. Temporary deafness due to noise- not the classiest of names or disorders.

He turned to Butler and explained what happened through sign language. His bodyguard remained silent for a moment- not that he would have been able to hear him otherwise- then suddenly burst out into what looked like laughter. Artemis glared at him while Butler regained enough control of himself to sign, _Artemis Fowl caused a lab accident? This hasn't happened since you were two!_

Glowering, Artemis shifted unhappily and gestured at the acid on the floor. _I was preoccupied!_

Still shaking his head, Artemis had to guess that Butler laughed again before he signed, _You're sure you're okay? We don't need to call a doctor?_

_No, I'm fine. My hearing should have returned by tomorrow._

_Good._ Artemis frowned when Butler seemed to laugh again, but then his bodyguard glanced over his shoulder, seeming to hear something. Artemis read his lips to see him say, _Damn it, Myles!_ and hurry after his brother, who had dashed by his lab, still grasping his computer.

Now left alone for surely several minutes, Artemis allowed himself to groan again, wincing at the oddly peculiar sensation of not being able to hear himself speak. He would never hear the end of this. Nothing had ever exploded under his watch- not intentionally, anyway. And now, not only did he have the task of cleaning up the mess, he had to live with being deaf for the day. He would never be able to live this down.

With a resigned sigh, Artemis trudged over to the remains of the disaster, shaking his head tersely. "What a way to ruin a day," he muttered aloud, examining the burn mark. As it was, he was lucky he had only temporarily lost his hearing. Accidents with acetone had been known to claim limbs before- which he knew, full well, but he was sure that wouldn't stop his mother from trying to impose on him a high school course in lab safety to stop something like this from happening again if she ever found out.

Unable to hear, Artemis had no idea someone was yelling for his attention until he casually turned around to take care of the salt that was all that was left of the acid when he caught sight of his laptop sitting, relatively abandoned, on a counter. On it was Foaly, the centaur waving at him and seemingly yelling his name over and over.

Artemis covered his face with his hands and let out a low groan. _Can this situation possibly get any worse?_

He read Foaly's lips well enough to tell that he was saying something along the lines of, "I've been yelling at you for the past five minutes, Mud Boy! Are you ignoring me?"

Artemis sighed. _No, Foaly,_ he signed,_ I am not ignoring you. I simply could not hear you._

The look on Foaly's face told him all he needed to know, but he still watched Foaly exclaim something along the lines of, "First you ignore me, then you wave your fingers at me? Come on, Artemis; I thought you were more mature than this."

Vexed, he cried, "You can understand _centurion_ and not sign language?!" Artemis could only hope his words came out sounding even remotely like English, as he continued with, "Just get an elf with the gift of tongues!"

Foaly's irritation quickly turned into understanding, then confusion. "Why are you talking in sign language?" he asked, and Artemis groaned again.

"I can't hear you, Foaly, and reading your lips is prone to error. Especially when it's Gnomish you're speaking. At least talk in English, if you refuse to find a translator."

"You can't hear me?" Foaly asked- in Gnomish, of course- and proceeded to fiddle with his computer. "All my equipment's working perfectly; the problem must be on your end."

Artemis rolled his eyes, picking up the laptop and walking across the room with it to wash his finger. "The problem is on my end, Foaly. I…" _Which sounds more embarrassing, a technical error or an accidental explosion?_ "My computer is just experiencing a glitch."

"That doesn't explain why you were talking in sign language- nor why you're practically yelling at me, Artemis. What actually happened? Why can't you hear me?"

Artemis swore under his breath and turned away, hiding his expression as he stuck his burning hand in the ice water. He couldn't tell Foaly what had happened; the centaur would spread the word to the entire Lower Elements that he had been careless enough to leave a waiting explosive just sitting on the table, about to blow up in his face- literally.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Foaly searching something on his computer. It took only a few seconds for him to find whatever he was looking for, and he watched the screen intently before he burst out laughing. "Oh my _gods!_" he cried, locking eyes with Artemis again. "You got _blown up!_"

Artemis groaned, hiding his face in his free hand. "How did you know that? I locked you out of my security cameras- for the sixth time this month- just last night."

"I hacked them again. How did you think? But this is _brilliant!_ Oh my _gods!_ _This_ is what I created horsesense for!"

That woke him up. "Foaly, if you dare put this on that silly blog of yours, your computers will be so wrecked you won't even know what hit them. Your Operation's Booth will turn into Artemis's Revenge Suite, and I will… you just uploaded the video, didn't you?"

Foaly nodded proudly. "Yes, yes I did. And you're yelling at me."

"I can't hear myself talk!" he cried, exasperated. "It's human habit! Maybe, if the _smartest centaur under the earth_ knew sign language, I wouldn't yell! And take that video off _now_, Foaly. I was preoccupied with Beckett! You can't claim that video is a display of my normal observational skills; you know I would never-"

"Artemis, I don't care if you're a genius or not, you don't understand how the internet works. Nobody goes to blogs to read about your 'normal observational skills', as you put it; and a video of the smartest human on the planet blowing himself up in his own lab is the kind of thing people love."

"Foaly, I was- no. I am no longer speaking with you. I don't know how you managed to hack me again this quickly, but I'll be hacking you back shortly. And then, my earlier threat of Artemis's Revenge Suite will be carried out to the fullest extent. " Then Artemis very deliberately turned his back, unable to hear him speak and now unable to read his lips, and set about cleaning up the salt on the floor. How had a simple day of watching the twins turned into a way to ruin his reputation in the Lower Elements?

_Well, it's not as if they liked you before,_ he mused._ Now they just think you're a clumsy criminal mastermind instead of just a criminal mastermind. What an accomplishment._

* * *

_Butler, for the final time, my hearing will have returned tomorrow_, Artemis signed._ There is no need to call a doctor and please, do not tell my mother about this. You know how overprotective she is._

Butler apparently chuckled and shrugged mischievously_. I don't know, Artemis. An explosion? Maybe you could do with a lab safety course._

_Yes, because I need a man who barely graduated high school telling me not to drink the acid, Butler. That's a productive way to spend my afternoon_. Artemis regretfully tapped his ear again, intending to continue on about how it was a simply a minor oversight and that he would be fine, but when he lowered his hand, his finger was bloody.

"Can this day get any worse?" he mumbled aloud, stalking across the room to look at himself in the door of his freezer. Sure enough, there was a trickle of blood leaking out of his ear and falling into his dark hair. It wasn't until he saw the blood that he realized how badly both his ears were throbbing.

Grumbling to himself- or, rather, to Butler, since he couldn't hear himself- Artemis stalked angrily headed across his lab to grab an icepack. This was, without contest, the worst possible way today's events could have turned out.

_Butler,_ he signed,_ tell me, did you at least get my laptop back from Myles?_

_No. I decided to leave him be. If he even manages to hack into it, the entire computer is in Gnomish. What could he do?_

_Never underestimate a genius, Butler_. Rubbing his aching ear, Artemis turned back to see Beckett hovering in the doorway. The sight made him sigh. He didn't much enjoy the task of reading lips and he certainly didn't enjoy talking when he was unable to hear himself- but you could hardly say Beckett had mastered English; never mind sign language.

"Yes, Beckett?"

"Myles dead now."

"What?!"

Butler repeated Beckett's statement for him, but, this time enunciated it clearer so Artemis could read his lips easier. "Myles said no."

Artemis sighed, shaking his head. "Ah. I thought you said… never mind what I thought you said. Just… please try and convince him to give up the laptop? Tell him, if he does, I'll let him work as my lab assistant."

Beckett hurried away, and Butler signed, _A four year old as your lab assistant? Well, after what today's events have revealed, perhaps you need one._

_For the last time, I was preoccupied! And, do go after him and find Myles._

_I don't know, Artemis. Are you sure it's safe to leave you unsupervised in-_

_Butler!_

Still chuckling, Butler turned and left, saying something over his shoulder as he did so. His mouth moved too quick for Artemis to keep up, but he was quite sure it was another veiled insult.

Artemis had been right; he would never hear the end of this.

* * *

"Simple-toon, I have a question!"

Artemis sighed tiredly. He had only been talking for ten seconds. How could Beckett already have a question?

"Yes, Beckett?"

"Why you telling us now?"

Artemis rubbed his eyes and shook his head. "Why _are_ you telling us _this_ now is what you mean. And, as my earlier experiment is… unhappily disposed of… and, yet, I am still tasked with watching you for the next three hours, I thought I might as well get _something_ productive out of this day. And, as I still have quite the mess to clean up, Myles-"

"Why are you yelling?" Myles asked curiously, leading to Artemis to learn that, for the third time today, he had begun to speaker louder and louder, purely through instinct, as he still couldn't hear himself talk and it was rather awkward. Still, all he could hear was a faint buzzing. It was beginning to make him go mad.

"Sorry," he apologized, his fingers automatically signing the word under the table. "But, as I was saying, Myles-"

"Arty, can I have some of that funny water again?"

"Beckett, I told you, no! That wasn't water, that was aci-"

"Artemis, why wasn't your computer in English?"

"Simple-toon, I want some of those ants again. There were tasty!"

Artemis watched, aghast, as the twins dissolved into a flurry of question after question, each one more ridiculous than the last. Finally, he moaned and turned away, returning to his work of cleaning the messes from earlier. "This was clearly something that never should have been attempted- Butler, I admit defeat. Please, give them the run of the house. I don't bloody well care if they start a fire; just give me five minute's peace."

Finally left alone, Artemis began to soak his burned hand again, wincing slightly. Burns to due to a concentrated, strong acid were never pleasant, and that, combined with his deafness, had managed to put him in a perpetually bad mood.

Artemis began to clean up the remaining signs of the earlier explosion, his burned finger now wrapped in tape and his ear still bleeding periodically. He must have been working for five minutes or more when he stood to track down a cleaning solution and jumped at the sight behind him.

Holly was standing right behind his shoulder and, by the looks of it, was repeating his name over and over again, looking considerably irritated. "Holly!" he exclaimed in surprise, then realized that her presence here meant that she, too, would soon learn of his earlier accident. _Oh, god_, he signed. _Why are you here?_

Holly narrowed her eyes in suspicion, but her gift of tongues enabled her to reply in sign language with ease. _I came up to perform the Ritual and-_

_No, I mean **why** are you here **today**, of all days?! Surely, this must be a conspiracy!_ Artemis threw his hands up silently, aggravated. It seemed that the universe was intent on informing the entire world of his oversight.

_…What? And why are you speaking in sign language?_

Artemis tapped his ear and shook his head, explaining to her that he was unable to hear. Let her wonder about the reason, because there was no possibility of him saying that he had forgotten something as simple the volatility of acetone and that his experiment had exploded because of a mistake.

Holly frowned, but then focused on something over his shoulder. She watched for several moments before her face suddenly contorted into laughter, and Artemis spun around to see Butler standing in the doorway, a smug look on his face. Positively livid- and mortified- Artemis turned back to Holly, who was leaning over, her hands on her knees, still laughing. Finally, she was able to sign,_ You got **blown up**?!_

_I did not!_

_Oh my gods, you did!_

_I was trying to stop Beckett from killing himself!_

_You think that matters? This is **brilliant**!_ Holly actually wiped a real tear from her eye and laughed again, while Artemis crossed his arms sourly and huffed.

_Can you just heal me?_

Holly laughed again and shrugged doubtfully. _Oh, I don't know, Artemis. You might have to learn your lesson about laboratory safety._

_**Holly**!_

_I don't know, Artemis. I came up here to perform the Ritual, you know. Don't know if I have enough magic to pull it off._

_You have enough magic and you know it!_

Holly shrugged slightly, and Artemis could tell she was still laughing. "Oh, all right," she said aloud- at least, that was what he thought she said- and walked forward, placing her hands over his ears. A moment later, there was a slight _pop_, followed by the faint buzz fading away into silence.

Artemis hesitated. "Holly? Oh, thank god. I can hear again. Thank you so much, Holly."

"Oh, no. Thank _you_ for providing me with the most wonderful topic of discussion for the next several months."

Artemis sighed tiredly and rolled his eyes. "Can we please just not speak of it again, Holly?"

"Are you kidding? This is brilliant. I can't believe I had the good luck to come here _today_, of all days!"

Artemis groaned loudly and turned around, freezing when he saw his mother standing in the door to his lab. "Oh! Mother!"

She nodded slightly. "Hello, Holly. Always a pleasure to see you here with my son. It's good he has another friend... even if he's still severely lacking friends _of his own age_... but that's beside the point. Artemis, how did babysitting the twins go today?"

Artemis rubbed his ears and shot a venomous look at Holly, hopefully getting the message across that she had better stay quiet. "It went well, Mother. Nothing eventful."

"Oh, really?"

He shrugged. "Yes. Why do you ask?"

His mother laughed, her straight face slipping into a broad smile. "Artemis, I've been home for an hour. I talked to Butler and he told me everything. I also stood behind you, saying your name for at least five minutes, about half an hour ago."

Artemis buried his face in his hands while Holly burst out laughing again. "It was an accident, Mother," he muttered, for what felt like the tenth time that day. "Beckett was about to kill himself and I was more focused on him than my experiment."

His mother joined in on Holly's laughter. "Well, perhaps now you've learned your lesson to not leave a four year old unattended on the floor of a laboratory. You're a genius, I know, but you still have a lot to learn about being a big brother."

"Mother, I-"

"Relax, Arty. And, rest assured, your father will hear about this, too."

"Mother!"

She laughed again while Holly buried her face in her hands, her face turning red with barely suppressed laughter. "What? You're too arrogant for your own good, Arty. This is proof that you can make mistakes, just like the rest of us."

"But I-"

"Yeah, Artemis," Holly choked out, joining in on the fun. "This is the ultimate proof. And it's already been posted to the underground webs. Face it- the entire world now knows that you're not perfect."

Artemis buried his face in hands again while Holly and his mother both chuckled. "I could've sworn being a big brother wasn't supposed to be this painful..."


	4. Chapter 23 Missing Scene

Thank you all for reviewing! This one here is based off the pneumonia chapter (Chapter 23), when Holly tells Butler she and Artemis had a standing date; she would be at his window every full moon for the Ritual. While I think a fic of these moonlight dates would be marvelous, I'm not the one to write it. I did, however, decide to write the last date they had before Turnball Root got involved, Artemis got treated for Atlantis, and then Artemis died, and… all of that happened. This is also the last one I have prewritten. Working on requests and still accepting, but don't expect another update for a while. School is, um... depressing.

Artemis tapped his finger against the wall, gazing steadily at the coin on his desk. Holly had given him that coin. Many years ago, she had given him a single gold coin to remind him of his 'spark of decency.'

Or that was what she had claimed, anyway.

Artemis couldn't believe he had really been as foolish as to accept the 'gift' without any suspicions. She could have hidden any number of bugs in the metal before giving it to him, disguising it as a sentimental and meaningful gift so he would throw it away at first opportunity. Well, he wasn't so foolish and naive now. He had run any number of tests on the coin in the past few days, and while he had discovered nothing, that didn't mean there still wasn't something hiding under the gold. He never wore it, not anymore. He hadn't taken the necklace off in years, but the moment he had grown suspicious of it, he had ripped it off his neck and hadn't put it back.

He frowned and glanced at his watch. 12:03. Twelve wasn't a good number. A multiple of four. Three? Wasn't terrible. It wasn't anything as safe as five, but at least it wasn't four.

Artemis heard a soft creak- or did he imagine it?- and spun around to stare at his door. There was no one there. Had it been Butler, come to murder him in the night, as he had been so worried of of late? Or, perhaps his father, come to spy on his meeting with Holly? She and his father were probably conspiring against him, anyway. His father was likely simply pretending not to know of the existence of fairies.

When no one stepped in through his door, Artemis decided he likely wasn't in immediate danger and returned to his tapping, still watching the window. One-two-three-four-five went his finger, over and over again, the tapping steadily growing faster as it grew ever closer to 12:04.

The dark shadow appeared at his window literally the exact moment the numbers on his watch changed. _Tick tock tick tock_, they mocked, and he actually jumped. _Four is death. Four is death._

The dark shape gestured impatiently at him, and Artemis fought to urge to glare at her and remain where he was. _Don't let her suspect that you know. She's out to get you. Don't let her know that you know_. Artemis walked steadily forward, barely managing to keep his expression impassive, and opened the window, allowing Holly to come inside.

Holly jumped lightly to the floor, pulling off her helmet as Artemis shut the window, making sure not to turn so his back was to her. "Why'd you just stand there and stare at me? It's pouring out there!"

"I did not realize it… was you in the rain. I… do apologize… Captain Short."

Holly frowned at him. "Who did you think it was? You telling me that you have other midnight visitors?"

Artemis merely shrugged, having thought it best to remain silent unless something she said required a verbal response. It was hard enough to plan out speeches beforehand so as to achieve the needed word count. Doing it in 'casual' conversation was endlessly more difficult.

When he didn't reply, Holly just shook her head and looked around his room curiously. "No sign of this mysterious 'Project' up here, either, huh? That's all you've been up to for over two months. You ever going to reveal it?"

"I will, in due time."

Holly gave him another odd look. "That's all you have to say?" she asked dubiously. "'I will, in due time'? What, no hints about what it is, no bragging about it 'changing the world', no gloating over how Foaly could never invent something as wonderful as it?"

Artemis tilted his head to the side, his eyes dark and guarded, still tracking her every movement. "I was under the impression that you did not think my arrogance to be appealing. Did you change your mind?" _Twenty words. Good._

Holly frowned at him again. "Well, no… Artemis, is everything okay? You seem a little…"

"Seem a little what, Captain?"

"I don't know… off. You seem off. And 'Captain'? I thought, after so long, we were at least on a first name basis? I'd certainly hope so, anyway. Unless you let complete strangers into your room at night; in which case, you're not really as smart as you seem."

Holly grinned at him, and Artemis paused before forcing himself to smile back. _Remember, don't let her suspect you don't trust her. She must suspect nothing._ "Yes, Holly. First name basis. And, I assure you, I am completely… and utterly fine."

Holly narrowed her eyes, and Artemis held his breath under her inspection. She seemed suspicious, to say the least. "You just did it again… you're talking weird; were on the phone, too- you said you were just working and were distracted, but…"

_She suspects you. You fool, do something now!_ "I am distracted… still now. The Project is still unfinished."

"Frond, Artemis. You're starting to worry me. This project; it's not some sinister plot to destroy the world, is it?"

He shook his head carefully, phrasing his response in his mind before he spoke it, racing to keep up with the word count so it didn't stray into phrases of four instead of five. "You will have to wait. I will not reveal anything; not until the Project is complete… to the fullest degree."

"Enough with your Project!"

Artemis flinched. _Four words. Four is death. Four._ "'Enough with my Project,' Holly?" he said, struggling to save the sentence and turn it into a phrase of five. "As you wish, Captain Short. What do you wish to converse about, then? …Quantum mechanics?" _Oh, that was a clever save. 'Quantum mechanics'… at least it made it a multiple of five._

"Quantum mechanics? Frond, no! You sound like Foaly. Is that what you geniuses really discuss in your spare time?" Holly shook her head and turned away, knocking her helmet in the process so that it no longer sat at perpendicular to his laptop. Artemis frowned, focusing on it. What was the point of her moving it? It was no longer straight. It made no sense to not be straight.

Artemis walked closer to her and turned as well, managing to have his hand nudge it as well so it was perpendicular again. Holly didn't seem to notice and he smiled slightly, glad for a small victory. Then he paused. _What small victory? You just had to straighten a helmet. Whom are you victorious over, exactly? The gods of OCD?_

"Actually, Artemis, now that I think about it? You've been acting strange for a while now. You're never still anymore. You're always tapping something." At her words, Artemis realized he was tapping his desk in a staccato rhythm, a short and predictable pattern of five. He made a weak effort to stop before simply settling for tapping his toe inside of his shoe.

"An addiction to coffee, Holly. The caffeine is beneficial for long nights, but often leaves me with more energy than I know what to do with."

She scoffed. "Please, Artemis. I doubt you've ever had a cup of coffee in your life." Holly looked around his room before shaking her head and focusing on him. "Arty, is something wrong?"

_Arty. Four letters. Arty, is something wrong. Four words. Four._

_Four is death._

"Nothing is wrong at all."

Holly narrowed her eyes again and Artemis stood still before her, keeping a frigid ice in his gaze so as to prevent her from suspecting that he knew. "Yes… I believe that." Her eyes darkened when he stiffened, his hand immediately and involuntary tapping out five on his desk.

_One two three four five one two three four five one two three four five_ "Yes, you do believe that." _Nice try, Holly. But you won't get away with a four word sentence. I know what you're trying to do._

"I sure do think it hasn't rained this hard in _four_ weeks," Holly said abruptly, tilting her head to the side when he visibly winced and glared at her.

"Surely, not in _five_ weeks," he retorted. There was no longer any doubt in his mind that she was plotting against him- and he wasn't about to let her get away with it. He could outwit her. Five five five five five. Five was on his side.

He watched Holly triumphantly as the little elf hesitated, then met his eyes and asked, "Arty… are you… counting your words?"

"Nonsense. I speak with precision."

"There it is again… five. Five words. "

"I don't know what you mean, Holly. Five words? Explain."

Holly frowned while Artemis watched her carefully. Would she realize it was in two phrases of five instead of one? Whether she did or not, it didn't matter. He didn't trust her, not anymore. He knew better than that.

Holly stepped closer to him and Artemis's gaze flashed down to ensure that her gun was still safely tucked away in its holster. _I should be wearing mirrored contacts, so she can't mesmerize me… why didn't I think of that before?!_

"Artemis, I can tell something's wrong. Whether you're counting your words or not, you're still speaking strangely. And there's something else…" she trailed off and shook her head. "Artemis, what happened?"

Artemis stepped back as she moved forward, determined to keep her at arm's length. "Nothing 'happened', Holly. I'm fine."

"You are not. Artemis, I'm not an idiot. You're not 'fine' at all."

_She suspects. She knows. She knows that you don't trust her. Get her out of here._

And then, that voice that's been growing softer and softer nowadays- _It's Holly. Your friend. Why don't you trust her? She's given you no reason to doubt her. You know you've been different lately. Numbers, compulsions, you don't trust anyone- you're sick. Trust Holly and tell her._

But when Holly took another step closer to him, that soft voice died a quick, brutal death. He took a swift step back and prepared himself to fight with a mental fortitude Butler would have been proud of, paranoia-induced or not, and the order slipped out without any conscious thought. "Stay back. Stay back, Holly, or you will regret it."

And the tiny part of his mind that was still rational spoke. _Regret it? Just what exactly are you going to do, wave a pencil at her? Shut up while you're ahead. Trust her. You have no reason not to. Trust her._

Meanwhile, the look on Holly's face was one of complete shock. She stared at him and blinked, seemingly without any idea how to respond. Finally, she asked, "Excuse me?"

And paranoia trumped logic, as it always would, and he said, "You heard me."

Mismatched eyes stared at each other, one pair confused and uncertain, the other cold as ice and dark as the night. Artemis waited for her to make her move, standing his ground. Paranoia spoke and held him fast, keeping him from confessing his sudden, newfound terror of numbers and the compulsions- because he can't trust her, and he must remain silent and stop her from taking her revenge.

Finally, Holly spoke again, still seeming very confused. "…Artemis? What is going on?"

_Five words, see? You can trust her._

"You are not okay."

_Four words, see? You can't trust her._

Artemis shook from the internal turmoil and grasped the edge of his desk so hard his knuckles turned white. _Five four five four five four-_

"Artemis, you can trust me."

_Five_. "Holly… lately, I… I've been feeling these… compulsions. Numbers. Everything's about numbers. Can't trust anyone."

"What do you mean?"

_Four._ The sentence changed his tune like she'd flicked a switch. "Out. Get out, now. I know what you're planning. Get out, now."

Holly's eyes widened, and she raised a hand only for Artemis to push it away. "I told you to leave! Get out now!"

"Artemis-"

"Get out!" He's yelling now, and rightly so, because if he lets her talk with that warm, compassionate voice much longer, she'll break him and he'll confess everything that's wrong. He strode quickly to the window and tossed it open, pointing out into the storm. "Get out of here, Holly! Get out of here and don't come back!"

Holly watched him for a moment longer, clearly shocked and suspicious, then grabbed her helmet and jerked it roughly over her ears. "Fine," she said shortly, turning toward the window and climbing outside. Before she let go to fly into the night, she said over her shoulder, "Give me a call when you remember who your friends are."

Artemis watched silently as she took flight, almost instantly fading to become a black smudge in the pouring rain. When he was positive she was out of earshot, he murmured, "I know who my friends are. I just don't know if I can trust them."


	5. Post-epilogue Alex, Kensi, and Mayne

Thank you all for reviewing- and Happy Halloween! Okay, I lied, THIS is my last update for a while- because I've been working on this one for almost a week already and haven't we started the post-epilogue oneshot I know you've all asked for (I'm not even pretending this oneshot counts for that). Missing scene that was requested by _2whitie_. Remember Alex, Kensi, and Mayne- the three that helped Foaly grow Artemis's clone? Whatever happened to them? Does Artemis ever pay them back for their help? Post-epilogue. Mostly OCs. Could be better... should be better... but I honestly don't have the time required to revamp it and I won't for over a month. Did my best- as always, because you lovely people deserve nothing but. Enjoy!

* * *

"What is it this time, Alex?" Katie asked, her voice worn of tired, as he stumbled into their apartment at half past midnight. "Wait, let me guess- someone planted a bomb in Police Plaza and you were the only one who could disarm it? Or your boss just asked you to stay late so he could talk about his marital problems with you again?"

Alex sighed heavily, dropping his jacket and ID badge on the counter as Katie stood, light blue eyes cold and hard. "I'm sorry. It's just with Foaly still only working part time and the new commander still getting used to things, nothing is running as smoothly as usual."

"Oh, is that all? Alex, you haven't come home before eight for seven consecutive days in _seven consecutive months!_ Before the Crash, you always wanted to spend time with me; we used to have dinner and go dancing and enjoy ourselves- but not anymore. After the Crash, you worked your so-called 'double shifts' for six straight months!"

Alex grimaced and averted his eyes. How was he supposed to tell his girlfriend he'd been trying to save the life of a fairy-hero? It was now considered a fact that Artemis Fowl had never died. Foaly hadn't been too thrilled about their six month long project being effectively thrown into the abyss and hushed up; all the ground breaking- and back breaking- work they had done, was now so highly classified that he'd probably be arrested for daring to mention it. Now, whenever he come late, Katie was reminded of the months they had barely seen each other, and it always brought her suspicions back and started another fight.

When he said nothing, Kaite sighed and threw her hands up in the air. "It's like I don't even know you anymore! What happened to the guy who would sneak off work just to come see me at my job? What happened to the guy who turned down a promotion for a job in Atlantis just because it would make you move away from me? What happened to _him_, Alex?!"

And, pent up frustration of standing there and letting her insult him, unable to tell the truth, boiled over in the form of half truths, of what he _could_ tell her of those six months and of what _was_ the truth."What happened to him, Katie? He _grew up!_ When my work saved lives, I couldn't ever just _leave!_ People could have _died!_"

"For Frond's sake, you're a _technician! You work with computers!_ Yeah, I know how important technology is and all of that, but what would have happened if you took a night off- you think people would have died?! Alex-"

"When I was inattentive for _ten seconds_ I nearly killed him!" Alex yelled, thinking back to his mistake that had caused the human to grow a sixth toe. "Skipping work entirely- I couldn't have done that! Foaly would have actually killed me!"

"Perhaps you should find a different line of work, then! And killed _who_, the computer you named and probably spend more time with than me?!"

"Katie-" Alex cut himself off before he spilled the secret of the clone. He sighed and forced himself to calm down, averting his eyes and letting out a slow breath.

It was quiet for several months before Katie finally asked, her voice considerably softer, "Alex… are you cheating on me?"

Alex's head jerked up and he stared at her, completely shocked. "What? No!" he gasped. "Katie… how could you even say that?!"

She shrugged slightly, her eyes miserable, and she looked as if she was holding back tears. "Can you blame me, Alex You come home all times of the night… we hardly ever see each other anymore… what do you expect me to think?"

"I expect you to trust me!"

"I do trust you, it's just… I…"

"You can't accuse me of cheating on you and, in the same breath, tell me you trust me."Alex stared at his uncertain girlfriend for several moments, stunned and aghast, then shook his head head and turned away. "I can't do this now."

"Alex, wait-"

"No, Katie. We fight every D'Arviting night about the same thing… but if you can't trust me, then I can't stay here. Not tonight."

Katie tried to stop him as he grabbed his jacket, throwing it over his shoulders and storming to the door. "Alex-"

Alex slammed the door behind him before she could finish.

* * *

"Doesn't a girl like you have someone to go home to by now?"

Kensi glanced over her shoulder in surprise to see Alex headed her way, his black hair out of his customary ponytail and his eyes exhausted. He sat next to her at the bar and ordered himself a drink as she laughed. "I do, Alex. That's why I'm here."

He nodded knowingly. "Your sister giving you trouble again?"

"Yeah… I feel terrible complaining about it, but she is driving me _crazy_." Kensi sighed and ran a hand through her short blonde hair, then rubbed her eyes tiredly and took another sip from her drink. "I came to a club because it was more peaceful here than home. Does that tell you something?"

Alex sighed. "Seems like we're both having troubles at home."

"What? You and Katie okay?"

"Huh- oh, we're fine." Alex waved her off and forced a smile. "Sorry, sorry. You didn't come out to listen to my problems. But your sister's not any better, huh?"

"Nope." Kensi sighed quietly, leaning back in her chair. "I mean, I feel awful for the kid, I do. Angela got married right out of college, and her and Steve were together for almost fifty years- and it's only been seven months. I can't ask her to just get over it. But… I can't tell her this, but I'm running short on money. She doesn't have a job or any means of income, but yet, she lives at my place, she eats my food, she wears my clothes, she lies on my couch and mopes about on my floors- and you and I, we don't make the most money in the world. Sure, we're getting double what we made before the whole clone ordeal, but it's not enough to cover everything. And I can't throw her out or ask her to start pulling her fair share around my place- she's my _sister_, for gods' sake."

Alex nodded in sympathy. Kensi's sister's husband had died in the Crash over seven months ago. Angela's house had been one of the many claimed in the chaos and explosions, and, left with no place to stay and no means of income, she had moved in with her sister just two days after Kensi had been 'contracted' by Foaly to help grow the clone. Yes, the raises Foaly had promised them had come, but it seemed that wasn't enough to cover Angela's expenses. "I can help you out, if you're in need of some extra money. Or why don't you talk to Foaly? See if he can get you a promotion to a higher paying position?"

Shaking her head, Kensi looked away from him, tapping her fingers against her drink. "No… that's sweet, Alex, but that'd be only a temporary fix. I need to find a permanent source of money, and fast. And I can't do that. Foaly only just back after the attack- he's only on part time, doctor's orders, and his wife is still in physical therapy- I can't do that, Alex. He got me that raise, which has been a lifesaver. No… I can't ask him. Besides, Iwhat I really need to do is get Angela a place of her own. She's been driving me crazy. 'Kensi, can you get me a glass of water? Kensi, can you iron that shirt for me? Kensi, do this, Kensi, do that-' I mean, I love the girl to death, but I can't put up with her much longer. I couldn't stand her when we shared a room as kids and now, I'm starting to remember why. "

Alex smiled sympathetically at her again and patted her on the shoulder "Tell you what," he said after a moment of thought. "You take tomorrow off. I'll cover for you."

"Alex, I can't let you do that. Isn't Katie still mad at you for working such long days?"

Alex's smile faded as he remembered his earlier fight with his girlfriend. Kensi was right; he wasn't in any position to be covering for her. "Yeah… yeah, she is. That's actually why I'm here instead of home."

"Really? What happened?"

He shook his head, tossing his long hair over his shoulder and propping his head up in his hands. "Katie. I came home late tonight, and she was… angry. Rightfully so, I guess, but… she accused me of cheating on her."

"Oh, gods, Alex…"

"Yeah. I know. I mean, after we spent so much time at work for Fowl, I can see where she's coming from- because I can never tell her where I really was. All _she_ knows is that I spend more time at work than I do with her now."

"But you have an excuse now- Foaly's out and we're still trying to-"

"Yeah, but she won't believe me when I tell her that. She always counters with asking where I was those six months after the Crash, and what am I supposed to tell her? You know, full well, that we have to keep quiet."

Kensi nodded slowly, then shrugged. "I see your dilemma." Feeling her phone vibrate in her pocket, she reached down to grab it, saying, "Maybe I'm the one who should cover for you tomorrow. Though, if you ask me, Katie has no right to accuse you of…"

Alex glanced up when she trailed off into silence to see her staring at her phone, her expression unreadable. "Kensi? Everything okay?"

His friend remained silent for a moment before she sighed and allowed her head to thump on the tabletop, leaning on her arms. "The bank just sent me a message- I have enough left in my account to buy one more drink. Then I'm out."

Alex's eyes widened in shock. He had known that she had been having money problems for a while now- but he had had no idea it was this bad. "D'Arvit, Kensi… next one's on me. And hey- we get paid tomorrow. Until then, I can loan you some-"

"Damn it, Alex, that's not enough. My sister needs to get a D'Arviting job, and she needs to get one _now_ before I go broke putting her up."

* * *

Foaly walked down the deserted hallway, somewhat cheerful, humming uselessly to himself. He loved coming to work early in the morning. There was almost no one else there, which meant it was just him and his computers. Ever since the ordeal concerning Opal's plots for revenge in action beyond the grave, he had either been on medical leave or, as of last week, only working part time, he was still settling back into the odd settings that had developed in his absence. Alex, Kensi, and Mayne had attempted to take over his position, and he was actually rather impressed with their work- but it was clear they were floundering. The look on their three faces when he had come back to work had been possibly the most relieved he had ever seen anyone.

When the fingerprint scanner granted him access, Foaly opened the door, believing his lab to be deserted. Which meant he was very surprised to see his nephew sitting at a table with papers strewn all over it, hunched over and working on something on a laptop. "Mayne?" he asked uncertainly.

Mayne jumped, jerking upright and turning to stare at him. "Foaly! What are you doing here?!'

"I came in early because I have to _leave_ early to take Caballine to her doctor's appointment- Mayne, it's five thirty in the morning, why are _you_ here?"

He shrugged slightly and turned back around to continue his work, whatever it was. "Just… finishing up some stuff from last night."

"Why didn't you finish last night? Out of curiosity, that is."

"Ah… there was a slight… problem in the Op's Booth. We took care of it, don't-"

_What?!_" Foaly spun around, hurrying towards his Op's Booth and unlocked the door, exclaiming, "What happened to my computers? Are they okay?"

"Yeah, they're fine, they're fine… we just neglected to update the security software, and, well…"

"You let them get a _virus?!_ Mayne!"

"…Look, I'm sorry. We've just been busy."

Foaly stopped in his frantic attempt to log into his system, the exhaustion and resignation in the voice giving him pause. He glanced over his shoulder to see Mayne standing hesitantly in the doorway, watching him nervously and biting his lip. "Woah. Calm down, kid. It's not like I'm going to hit you or anything."

Sighing softly, Mayne muttered something under his breath before he turned around, heading back to the lab table to continue his work. Foaly came up curiously behind him to see what exactly it was he was working on, the blinked in surprise. "Mayne, these are the specs you guys were supposed to have ready two days ago."

"I know… we've just been busy. I said I would finish them this morning if Alex and Kensi came in early tomorrow to finish the reports. They're both dealing with personal problems and said… never mind. It doesn't matter."

Foaly hesitated uncertainly. "Hey… if you're actually stretched this thin- I didn't realize- I can come back full time starting tomorrow."

Mayne shook his head, still concentrating fully on his work. "No. Doctor's orders, Uncle. You can't-"

"I feel fine and don't need a doctor's permission to do my job."

"What about Caballine?"

He shifted uncomfortably and sighed. Mayne was right, even if he didn't want to admit it. The entire reason Foaly had agreed to only working part time in the first place was because his wife needed his help at home. Her physical therapy wasn't even half way complete and she was still having some trouble when left to her own devices. He sighed. "Okay, you have a point. But I had no idea you were having this much trouble-"

"We're not!" Mayne exclaimed irritably. "We're not having trouble. We're not, we're just a little strained."

Foaly frowned. "A little strained," he repeated doubtfully. "Really."

"_Yes_, really."

"Hmm." _We'll just see about that. _Foaly turned and headed back into his Op's Booth, shutting the door behind him, and accessed the work logs for his lab. He quickly isolated Alex's, Kensi's, and Mayne's- and what he found wasn't pleasing at all. "D'Arvit," he muttered aloud, scanning through the work patterns of his three assistants who had stepped up in his absence- and not done as good a job as he had thought. "Two weeks ago, Alex was averaging a total of eighty hours a week, Kensi, seventy nine, and Mayne, _eighty four_. Holy Frond. And I thought I worked hard." He was relieved to see their respective averages decreasing by over ten hours when he had returned to work last week- but that was still a staggering collective two hundred hours a week from the three of them.

"D'Arvit," he muttered. "What exactly have they been doing? They're working almost twelve hours a day!"

_"You've got mail."_

Frowning, Foaly brought his email screen to see a message from Artemis. "What do you want? It's five in the morning. Don't you ever sleep?" Foaly asked aloud as he opened the message.

_Getting a little lax in your old age, are you? I was the one who cleaned out your Op's Booth last night from that virus. You're welcome, by the way. I know that you're not back to work full time, but you should have really hired someone to take over for you who knew what they were doing. Your security system hadn't been updated in over a month. It was also unimaginably easy for me to hack into your system. Perhaps you should hurry back to work?_

Foaly sighed. Artemis was completely right, he should hurry back to work before something went _really_ wrong- but he didn't have that option. Besides, Artemis didn't know who he was vaguely insulting. He smiled the, struck by an idea, an depend up a reply message. "Oh, Artemis, are you about to feel guilty."

_It's not my fault. I do have a doctor's note, you know. Besides, the people I left in charge know what they're doing. You owe your life to them, after all. Alex, Kensi, and Mayne are the three who helped me grow your clone, and by 'helped me grow', I mean you would be dead if it wasn't for their help. You could repay them, you know. That's probably the only reason they helped in the first place; I worked them like a slave driver. But now that I've shamelessly played my guilt trip, allow me to send this message and panic over the fact that my security system hasn't been updated in a month._

* * *

"Tell me again why you're up this early."

Artemis sighed, accepting the tea his manservant handed him and taking a sip. "Because I got no work done last night. I was busy helping Foaly out. It's quite a shame that I was able to do more from here than his assistants were from down there- especially considering I had to hack into his system to do anything at all."

Butler smiled. "Your modesty knows no bounds, sir."

Artemis sighed tersely, opening up his laptop and booting up his system. "Whatever you do, don't mention that to Holly. I swear, her newfound pastime is finding and exploiting every single flaw I may or may not have."

Butler laughed knowingly. "Ah, Holly. Have you two lovebirds set a time and a place for your first date yet?"

"_Butler_."

"I'm just saying, Artemis, you're not an official couple until you've had at least one-"

"_Butler!_"

"Okay, I can take a hint." Butler grinned at his charge before turning and leaving him alone to his work.

Artemis sighed, shaking his head and opening up his programs he had abandoned last night in order to help Foaly. If it was this bad when _Butler _knew about him and Holly, he couldn't imagine what would happen once his parents inevitably found out.

Almost immediately, a new email from Foaly caught his attention. He opened it up and read it, then hesitated, mulling it over. Finally, he smiled. He knew what he had to do now.

* * *

Alex wasn't expecting for Katie to jump into his arms the moment he walked in the door.

"Oh, gods, Alex! I'm so sorry! Why didn't you tell me?!"

Alex looked down uncertainly at his distraught girlfriend, completely confused. She was actually crying into his chest, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck, her slim form shaking. "Katie? What happened?"

"I _know_, Alex. I know where you were after the Crash. I'm so sorry about not trusting you. I had no idea where you really were, I just- I just thought-"

"_What?!_" Alex gasped, He grasped her shaking shoulders and moved her back so he could look her in the eye. "Katie, what are you talking about?! How did you find out about- where do you think I was?!"

Katie wiped her eyes and pulled him across the room to her computer, gesturing at the screen. "This was posted this morning. LEP hasn't made an official statement yet, but everybody knows it's true."

"What?" _Oh, gods. Did someone find out about the clone? How could they? Only the three of us, Foaly, and Holly know about it. Oh, no, this is bad… _Alex leaned down to read the article, trying not to panic and put on a confident air, for Katie's sake.

_After two months of research, I am finally ready to publish my research paper on the subject of the human Artemis Fowl's treatment after Opal's attempt to open the Berserker Gate. I have spoken extensively with Foaly, a representative of LEP who was in charge of the project, and the human himself, and have done more research on the topic than anyone else under the earth. Before I launch into a medical analysis, Fowl requested that I did quote him on this. "There were very few involved in my treatments. It was a classified operation, with only those with the highest credentials and qualifications were involved. They all saved my life more than once. Specifically, I would like to thank Foaly and his nephew, Mayne, Kensi Dubois, and Alex Markson."_

"Oh, no."

"What are you so worried about?" Katie asked, pulling him back from the computer. "I had no idea what you were doing- that you were- oh, gods, Alex. You should have just told me."

"I… I couldn't," he said numbly, all the while, his mind racing as he tried to figure out who was responsible for this. "I was… I was ordered not to. And I didn't want to get you in trouble.. the stuff we were doing, it… it was illegal."

Katie shook her head and smiled broadly before flinging her arms around him again. "Oh, gods, Alex, that doesn't matter. I don't care if you were D'Arviting _cloning _someone; the fact that it was illegal doesn't matter, I just… oh my gods, my boyfriend's a hero!"

Her phone started ringing, and Katie squeezed him tighter before she rushed over to look at it. "That's my sister- wait until she finds out!"

Alex watched as she answered the call, then turned back to the article. He scrolled down to the bottom to find out who on earth wrote this thing and discovered two things. The first- the article had been posted at nine this morning and already had over ten thousand comments.

The second was less illuminating than he had expected it to be. The author of the article was clearly a pseudonym- Clark Lason, from O. N. E., whatever that was. That wasn't helpful in the slightest.

Someone knocked on the door, and Alex just shook his head as he turned to answer it. What else could go wrong today?

"I've got a delivery for Alex Markson?"

Alex frowned. "That's me," he said uncertainly, racking his mind for anything he had delivered and coming up blank. The delivery man handed him a small black box that looked like it hid a ring inside; Alex signed for the package and, once the man had left, glanced nervously over his shoulder. Katie was still completely absorbed in her conversation with her sister, completely oblivious to everything else that was going on. Relieved, he took the moment to open the box and examine its contents.

He was right- it was a diamond engagement ring with a note on top. He stared in shock for a moment before he peeled off the note and read it. _A friend of mine told me you were having some relationship troubles. If you'd like, I've heard that diamonds always make a girl happy. The ring is paid for; my treat. Enjoy it. No ned to thank me; I am simply repaying you a favor. -Clark Lason, O. N. E._

Alex stared at the message in shock. He had absolutely no idea what was going on; what favor was this 'Clark Lason' talking about, and how had he known about his involvement in Fowl's resurrection? One thing was for sure; tomorrow at work, he, Kensi, Mayne, and Foaly would all be called into a meeting to discuss this. Alex would have nothing to tell them; he could never remember meeting a Clark Lason, or doing anybody such an amazing favor that it warranted a diamond ring.

* * *

Meanwhile, across town, Kensi was having her own troubles. After checking her ever dwindling bank account to see how much was in it after she was paid, she was greeted with a figure that was more than enough to pay off her house and buy another, and still have more left to spare. Convinced it was a mistake, she had been on hold for the past hour and a half, trying to get a representative of the bank to talk with her and explain whatever the hell had happened.

Sighing, she kicked her feet up and turned her TV on, only half-listening to the repeated drone of the recorded message in her ear. Maybe, if she was watching something else, listening to the bank swear that her call was very important and someone would be with her soon wouldn't drive her insane.

"And our top story this evening- an anonymous internet source who claims to have intimate knowledge on just what exactly was happening to Artemis Fowl, those six months when he was hidden from the public eye."

Kensi sat bolt upright and coughed, spitting out her mouthful of water onto her coffee table. "What?!" she gasped, giving the TV her full attention. They couldn't know about the clone… could they? It was impossible- it was _absolutely impossible_.

"Now, before I explain, I am obliged to tell you that LEP representatives have declined to comment at this time, and we are currently working on getting in touch with the others mentioned in the article, so it is uncorroborated. But our experts have examined the paper and say that whoever wrote it knew what they were talking about."

"What paper?!" Kensi shouted aloud, jumping to her feet an dashing across her room to her computer. She had dozens of new messages, all of which appeared to be from friends asking her about her involvement in the 'Fowl case'- and one with an empty subject line that had been sent only five minutes ago. She clicked on it, her hands shaking, trying to figure out just what was going on and hoping it would shed some light and just what that article was.

_A friend told me you were having money troubles. I deposited a small fortune into your bank account for you- feel free to spend it however you like. I was also told that you need to get your sister a job- well, I sent her resume to a lab that just happened to be hiring, and she has a position there, if she'd like it. You'll be receiving a message from the company shortly that goes into more detail. And, of course, after the article I posted on detailing the work you did on Artemis Fowl, you have a job at any research lab in Haven, if you'd like it. Just me repaying a favor, even if my actions are long overdue. - Clark Lason, O.N.E._

Kensi was still staring at the screen, nonplussed, when her phone started ringing. Hanging up on the bank- what use was she ever going to get from that call, anyway- she answered it, still staring, unblinking and unmoving, at the message. "H-Hello?"

"Kensi, it's Alex- what in Frond's name is going on?!"

"You've heard?"

"Everybody in _Haven's_ heard, Kensi! I would say that they're just lying, because they don't make any mention of, you know…" he lowered his voice and whispered, "the clone… but they know about our involvement!"

"Oh, gods, what does the article say? I just saw the news and opened my computer to dozens of messages from my friends wanting to know about this whole mess…"

Alex sighed nervously, his voice shaky as he replied, "I haven't had time to read it all. But whoever wrote it is going along with LEP's lie of Fowl never dying in the first place, but they did say they spoke to him and he said that he would like to thank the two of us, Mayne, and Foaly. And, get this- I got a package form the same guy who wrote the article. Said he knew I'd been having 'relationship troubles' and that he thought I could use this diamond ring. That he was 'repaying a favor'."

"You're kidding! I just got an email like that- from 'Clark Lason, O-N-E.' He said he was repaying me a favor and had gotten Angela a job and I checked, he deposited so much money into my work account that I'll never have to work again."

"D'Arvit, who the hell is this guy?!"

* * *

Foaly, watching the city descend into the chaos over nothing but an online article, found himself unable to stop laughing. He literally couldn't draw anything but humour from the situation, even if the rest of the city found it anything but amusing. The kid sure had a touch for giving things a dramatic flourish. Caballine gave him an odd look when he chuckled again and turned down the volume on the TV. "What on earth is so funny?"

"_This!_" he exclaimed, still laughing. "The kid loves playing puppet master. I'm sure he's watching this and having the time of his life."

"Who is?"

"_Artemis_ is!"

Caballine blinked, glancing back at the screen again before she shook her head, confused. "What? Artemis? Why on earth would he-"

"Because he loves screwing with our heads."

"But how do you know it's-"

"'Clark Lason, O-N-E- or _clone_. Damn, the kid works fast. I told him this morning about their predicaments and the entire city is in chaos by the evening."

Suddenly, there was the sound of someone knocking rather frantically on their door, pounding constantly. Foaly laughed and stood. "I'll bet I know who that is."

Sure enough, he opened the door to a panicked Alex, Kensi, and Mayne, who all piled inside the moment they could without waiting for an invitation. "Foaly, what in Frond's name is going on?!" Kensi cried. "How did they find out about it?!"

Caballine smiled, watching as Foaly fought to stop laughing long enough to answer them. "I… I'm going to have to talk to that kid someday about this. He'll give me a heart attack, sooner or later." At the looks on their frightened and confused faces, he exclaimed, "_Artemis_ did this! Come on, can't any of you put two and two together? Clark Lason, O-N-E… _clone_… come on!"

"With, the initials stood for clone?!"

Foaly sighed. His nephew was always a little slow. "Yes, Mayne, they stand for _clone_."

"So… whoever wrote that article- they know about how he _really_ came back-"

"Oh my gods, you're making this so complex. No, it means whoever wrote the article _is_ a clone- and who do we know that's a clone?!"

Foaly could almost see the light bulb going on over their heads and sighed in relief. "See? I _told_ you you wouldn't regret this." Come on, I know this isn't all he did. What else did our human friend 'Clark Lason' do?"

Now considerably more relaxed than before, Alex and Kensi explained about the engagement ring, how the article had turned Katie around, the money in Kensi's account, and Angela's new job- which left poor Mayne wondering just why he had gotten nothing out of this.

"What?" he asked sadly with a pout. "How come they get presents and I get nothing… I worked just as hard as them."

Foaly exchanged a look with Caballine and sighed. "You are ridiculously immature, as ever. This isn't Christmas and we're not comparing to see who got the most presents… although it _is_ odd that he didn't do anything for you. That's not like him."

"How weird. That's not the only weird thing that's happened today, actually. When I got home, my computer said hello to me. And, what's more, it said it in unicorn!"

Foaly rolled his eyes in aggravation. "For the last time, Mayne, the best way to warn your date to stay away from you is telling her that you're obsessed with… gods. Manye, are you telling us that you didn't actually find that strange in the slightest?"

Foaly stared as his nephew shrugged blankly. "Well, no. I've always wanted it to do that, just never had the time or the- oh my gods!"

"Please get there faster."

"Gods- do you think Artemis did this?!"

"And there it is." Foaly sighed and exchanged another look with his wife. "Honestly, sometimes, Mayne, I wonder about you, I really do. How you ever got employed at LEP is beyond me."

Meanwhile, Mayne was so excited his tail was swishing back and forth. He gave a little jump and clapped his hands together while Alex and Kensi just sighed and laughed. Foaly, meanwhile, shook his head and glanced surreptitiously around the room before his eyes fixed on the laptop under Kensi's arm. He saw the tiny camera on the case flash once and grinned, his suspicions confirmed. "_Thanks, Artemis,_" he mouthed to it, and was rewarded with another flash.


End file.
